Musings from Behind the Mask: Why Knowing Your Values Changes Everything

Do you ever feel like the voices in your head - the ones I collectively call the Inside Job - are constantly shouting at you, questioning your choices, or making you second-guess yourself?

It can often be a sign that something deeper is out of alignment: your values and beliefs.

Values are the core principles that guide how we show up in the world. They shape our decisions, influence our behaviour, and underpin the ways we connect with others - especially in relationships.

Beliefs, on the other hand, are the assumptions we hold about ourselves, others, and the world. The stories we tell ourselves. When our beliefs support our values, life feels aligned and flowing. But when limiting beliefs clash with our values, it creates noise, self-doubt, and tension - the perfect breeding ground for our Pretender Masks.

But if I asked you right now to tell me your top five values, could you?

Most people pause, think for a moment, and then either list things that sound good (like family, success, or kindness) or admit they’re not entirely sure. And that’s completely normal - because our values often run quietly in the background, shaping everything we do without us consciously realising it.

What we don’t always realise is: most of us aren’t fully conscious of what our true values are. Instead, we often absorb values from those around us - parents, partners, society - and live according to a version of what we think we should value rather than what we truly do.

When our beliefs and values are out of sync, it creates that noise in our minds (aka The Inside Job). We start wearing our Pretender Masks - the versions of ourselves we think are acceptable or safe - and over time this can erode self-trust, fuel patterns we don’t like, and even push us into behaviours we know don’t reflect who we really are.

Maybe that shows up as people-pleasing, overworking, hiding parts of yourself, or sabotaging your own success - anything that keeps you in line with someone else’s values rather than your own.

And how do we deal with that icky feeling of wearing our masks?

Erm, hello doom scrolling for hours, devouring a 200g bar of Dairy Milk® or sinking the best part of a bottle of wine.

Which, in reality, just makes us feel worse, reaffirming that those limiting beliefs are true and we can’t trust ourselves to do the best thing for us, because deep down we don’t feel worthy enough. Leading us to a never-ending loop of negativity and stuckness.

Yuck…      

Our values are like our inner compass. They guide our decisions, influence our behaviour, and determine how aligned (or misaligned) we feel in our lives. When we’re living in harmony with them, things flow more easily. We feel energised, motivated, and more like “ourself.” When we go against them, it usually shows up as frustration, resentment, exhaustion, or that nagging sense of being stuck.

Understanding your values isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a way to reclaim clarity, confidence, and authenticity. When you can name your values, you can see where your current beliefs support them - and where they don’t. That awareness gives you the power to make choices that feel right, instead of getting stuck in patterns that don’t.

Getting clear on your values is super powerful, giving you:

•              Clarity in making big and small decisions

•              Confidence in setting boundaries and saying no

•              Understanding of why certain situations or relationships feel “off”

•              Direction for designing a life that actually fits who you are

It’s like switching on a light in a room you’ve been stumbling through in the dark. Suddenly, things just make sense.

I’ve recently been working on my own values, with a coach and how much they influence the way I show up in life and business. They’re not just abstract words - they’re the heartbeat behind the choices I make, the way I work with clients, and even how I measure success.

And yes, I have a coach and it’s been invaluable in keeping me grounded as I peel back my own layers of “stuckness”.

My five core values are:

• Fun & Creativity – life is too short not to play and explore new ideas.

• Authenticity – being true to myself, even when it’s flipping uncomfortable.

• Reward & Recognition – celebrating effort, progress, and achievement, including financial remuneration.

• Integrity & Fairness – doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.

• Making a Difference – contributing to others’ lives in meaningful ways.

  
  

These values guide everything I do - in my work, my relationships, and how I show up in the world. They allow my “inner tigger” to be front and present.

And yes, there have been times when I haven’t honoured them. I’ve worn masks to fit in, stayed silent when I should have spoken up, or pushed myself to meet expectations that weren’t mine. And every time I ignored my values, my Inside Job got louder, and my self-trust took a hit.

Over this series of Musings from Behind the Mask, I’ll explore each of my core values, how they shape me, and - just as importantly - the times when I haven’t honoured them. Because let’s be honest, no one is perfect. I’ll show you how to start uncovering your own, and how living in alignment with them can transform the way you relate to yourself and others. I’ll also share how values show up in relationships - because when we’re unclear on our own, it’s easy to get pulled into patterns that leave us frustrated, disconnected, or unsure of our choices.

My hope is that as you read, you’ll start reflecting on your own values too. Because once you know what really matters to you, that’s when life starts to feel more aligned, more purposeful, and more… you.

If you’re ready to start noticing your values, questioning the voices that aren’t really yours, and begin peeling back your Pretender Masks, this series is for you.

Let’s start the journey of breaking patterns and living from a place of truth.